Birds of a feather flock together - and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty are 'XL'.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS together it spells 'Theirs'.
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Long ago when men beat the ground with sticks and cursed, it was called 'witchcraft'. Today it's called golf.
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth....AMEN!!!!!